Two Brides, One Dilemma: "Help! Can I Get Married In Secret, And THEN Throw a Wedding?" (I Say YES!)

If no one knows about your secret marriage, does it count?

Writes Save the Date reader Georgina:

My boyfriend and I are living and working abroad. He has permanent residency but my visa status is up in the air because of some laws that were just passed. He and I have discussed getting married—but not for a couple of years. He's suggested we get married now, which would solve my visa problems, but there's no way our families and friends could be here on such short notice. Would it be okay to keep the "legal" marriage a secret and invite everyone to come to a wedding in two years?

And from Save the Date reader Cora:

My fiance needs an ankle operation and would really benefit from having my health insurance—but we need to be married for him to be covered. We were planning on getting married in the fall, so would it be awful if we get married in a courthouse now and then move forward with our wedding in six or seven months? It would be great to have the extra money for our wedding, but would it be tacky if we're technically already married?

Here are my thoughts:

I'm willing to bet that both sets of your potential wedding guests would rather have you get legally married "in secret" if it's going to save you a bunch of stress or money. I just can't imagine that I'd be miffed if family member or dear friend got married for legal reasons and then invited me to a wedding at a later date.

That said, while I don't think you need to advertise your secret wedding, you should probably mention it to, say, your parents for legal reasons. (If one of you were in an accident, for example, your medical care could be determined by your marital status.) And if someone asks, "Hey, how did you solve your visa problems?" or "How could you afford that surgery?" there's no harm in telling them the truth.

Ladies, what do you think? Is it okay to have a secret marriage and then a wedding? Or is that totally dishonest?